Holiday Heat

We are having a most unusual dilemma this Christmas season.

We are hot!

I’m not talking about the slang meaning of “extremely attractive.” (We only wish that was our dilemma…) The hot I’m referring to the “I’m-so-hot-I’m-sweating” sense of the word.

Outside temperatures reach 80+ degrees during the day, which is certainly welcome and preferred over anything below zero or with a wind chill factor. We certainly would be rejoicing about our good fortune, if it weren’t for the archaic heating/cooling system in our room.

Like most government buildings, the system is either on “heat” or “cool” and never the two shall meet. Our system is now stuck on the heat cycle, leaving us broiling in our tiny oven of a room. [I think that, perhaps in a weird foretelling of the future, Nat King Cole was referring to us as the holiday chestnuts roasting on an open fire in his famous song.]

The thermostat has no functional purpose except to taunt us. Even if we set if for 45 degrees, the system does not have the cooling power to inch below the balmy 85 degrees that it is now.

And, in a way that defies science, our room is hotter than the outside temperature, even when we open all the windows. We do have a floor fan, but it’s high-maintenance tendencies require us to run over and pick it up every hour when it decides to tip over.

But, perhaps the most amusing part of this “too hot” scenario came from an innovative solution from Husband. I heard him in the bathroom last night fumbling around, as he was getting ready for bed. He then announced with pride, “I found the solution for the heat!”

He emerged from the bathroom, hair and body completely drenched, with his white t-shirt and shorts clinging to his body. He announced, “I’m ready for bed!”

“I’m going to be so cool tonight!” he said, smiling to himself.

There are probably a lot of really good reasons why he shouldn’t have done this (the sheets will get drenched, he might actually get sick from this), but for some reason I didn’t say anything. Perhaps I was too hot and tired to object.

We know that in a few days the temperatures will drop. We might actually feel reminiscent about our holiday heat wave when we’re bundled up in winter coats. In the meantime, we’ll be figuring out new ways to stay cool and puzzling over how “Baby, it’s cold outside” could be written about the same (hot) season we’re in…